when Bodyguard Is AWOL

Beloved:

    I’m in a slump and for no reason I can think of, except that lots of other people I know are in slumps of their own.  I sleep a solid eight hours every night, yet at any given moment I could take a two-hour nap.  The most ordinary of tasks, washing dishes or weeding the garden, seem overwhelming.  “Take a walk,” my brain says.  “Naaah,” replies my body.  Am I depressed, I wonder?  Are we all depressed?  I’ve been depressed before and this doesn’t feel like that.  I’m not sad or hopeless or anxious so much as I am just inexplicably tired.  I see my doctor tomorrow for the annual Q&A he enjoys so much, and I’m going to ask him if post-pandemic slump is a thing.  If he says yes, I suspect the treatment is something like, “Take a walk.”
    I was listening to Nadia Boltz Weber yesterday, reflecting on her own post-pandemic spiritual slump.  She talked about her bodyguard, the part of herself that goes out ahead of her into new situations and relationships and checks things out, making sure they are safe places to be.  She’s worried her bodyguard’s been off duty so long she may not be coming back, and now I can’t stop thinking about my own AWOL bodyguard and how to get her back.
    At least once a day I tell myself that I’m not behind on anything, at home or at work.  But that doesn’t stop the constant feeling that there’s so much catching up to do.  I struggle to calibrate my calendar, feeling slightly anxious if I can’t see everyone within a day or two.  Cooking dinner . . . . . I really do want to cook and eat real dinner more than once a week, instead of grazing through the fridge or picking it up on the way home.
    So, I’m thinking it’s time to become my own bodyguard, since you-know-who is apparently not coming back.  I’ll ask myself what is reasonable for one middle-aged woman to accomplish in a day and do my best to leave it at that.  And promise myself not to be too gripey when I fail to get it right.  And for heaven’s sake, take a nap if I can’t stay awake anyway.  I’m actually feeling a little better already.  I should probably go walk the dog before the feeling goes away.