A Test of Faith

April 21, 2020.  Day 36 of Quarantine
 
Beloved:
            Why don’t you do your job?  I practically snarl at the cat snoozing on his scratching pad.
       If I were any good with a BB gun or slingshot . . . I catch myself thinking to myself.
             Oh my god, I hate that bird! 

            Three weeks ago I paid a handyman to wash my windows, some of which have not been done in years.  After I paid him he loaded his truck and was not possibly out of the neighborhood yet when a robin arrived on my bedroom window sill to admire his big fat self.  Every day since, he has circled the house from sunup to sunset, body slamming and head-butting all my windows, flecking them with bird poop.  I may hate him, but he is my teacher just the same, I’ve decided.  He’s come to inform me, in no uncertain terms, that the spiritual discipline I profess is no thicker in me than the dust upon my windows.
            I’m hardly the first to discover that it doesn’t take famine or a war to test a person’s faith.  A bird on a windowsill can show us what we most believe.
            Abuse the cat.  Kill the bird.  Hate the bird.  After forty-plus years of attempting to pray, these are my automatic responses when I’m annoyed.  Not threatened, friends — annoyed.  And while the temptation is strong to continue the response by embellishing or expanding upon my own spiritual inadequacy, things are hard enough right now.  Instead, I choose to use this pretty little bird (I’m sorry I body shamed you and called you a big fat bird.  You are positively lovely!) to remind me that our good intentions matter, and change takes as long as it takes.    
            Otto seems no worse for wear even though I snapped at him.  I did not, in fact, kill the bird and I can practice not hating him, even if I can’t control all my thoughts.  And all that bird poop means the handyman will always have more work to do, so economically it’s a win as well.
            Do you also find yourself less patient with yourself these days?  Is one little thing bugging you lots more than it should?  Lots of stressors we can’t see push at us these days, and it’s tempting to believe we should be doing better than we are.  These are not easy times — not by any measure.  But we can thrive by being as gentle with ourselves as we hope others will be with us.  May your home be surrounded by peace and prayers today.

~ much love,
pastor annette